Flattened by Overuse, Part 2

When last I wrote about overusing the word “love,” I didn’t plan any followup post. But some of the discussion has reminded me of another overused word:

“Just.”

You hear it a lot. F’r instance,

“I just think we should …”

“Just checking to see …”

Ellen Leanse wrote about this in 2015. Often we (especially women?) use the word “just” as an unnecessary apology. Apologizing for every opinion or statement not only flattens the impact of your thoughts. It also undermines you, the speaker.

I’m inclined to agree. If your speech habits make everything you say come across as hesitant, apologetic, uncertain… why should your colleagues have confidence in your ideas?

Ms. Leanse got some blowback, though. A couple of months later, Shane Ferro offered a rebuttal in Business Insider. Ferro points out it’s a bad idea to stress out about trying to eliminate any word from your vocabulary.

For one thing, a workplace ban on specific words like “just” sets up a judgmental culture. If you get busted for saying “I just need…” you end up apologizing for apologizing.

Talk about undermining yourself!

She has a point. Besides, the word has other uses. It can mean “simply” (This dessert calls for just three ingredients) or “exactly” (He has just enough money for dinner).

I find the discussion interesting. The differing points of view raise the question: Can you really predict how your speech will be perceived by your audience?

Giving some thought to how you express yourself seems like a good idea. With a bit of planning, you can make requests or share opinions and ideas without sounding either arrogant or apologetic.

Besides, any word you use from sheer habit probably doesn’t say what you actually mean.

Your turn: Do you police your speech for self-undermining phrases? Has anyone ever told you you’re too tentative, or too abrasive/bossy? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the “Leave a Reply” box below.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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Whose Body? by Dorothy Sayers

Image Credit: Goodreads

I’ve just re-read a classic mystery by renowned British author Dorothy L. Sayers. Whose Body? is, in fact, her very first novel, published in 1923.

Sayers’ main character is Lord Peter Wimsey, a quirky aristocrat and amateur detective whose title gives him some leeway to “interfere” in police work. In this first novel, Wimsey’s mother calls to tell him that dear Mr. Thipps, the son of her longtime friend, has found a dead body in the bathtub of the Thipps apartment.

Yikes!

On the same day, a wealthy financier has gone missing. Wimsey’s police friend, Parker, is sent to the bathtub scene to see whether the corpse is that of the financier. There’s a superficial resemblance, but everyone soon realizes it’s a different man. Everyone except Inspector Sugg, who promptly arrests the Thippses’ maid.

Lord Peter, aided and abetted by Parker, painstakingly unravels the few fine threads of clues that exist.

I enjoyed meeting all the characters, even the stubborn Inspector Sugg. Apparently I’m not alone–Sayers produced at least a dozen Lord Peter Wimsey novels.

If you like mysteries and haven’t yet discovered Dorothy Sayers, I think you’ll enjoy this Great Weekend Read.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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Repeating History

Hello, Friends!
In honor of Black History Month, I’m reprising this essay that was published in the University of Texas at Arlington’s student newspaper in 2006. I first posted the piece to this blog on February 1, 2017.
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“Breaching the Barrier”

by Janice C Johnson

What an honor... I've been 'tooned!

What an honor… I’ve been ‘tooned! A version of this essay appeared in The University of Texas at Arlington’s student newspaper, The Shorthorn. Student artist John Henderson illustrated it with this great cartoon.


My family is white, and during my early childhood, we lived in small towns in Illinois and Missouri where nearly everyone around us was also white. I knew black people existed, although I had never met a “Negro,” as they were known then. I was curious about them. However, the adults in my world never mentioned or acknowledged them and I never asked. The adults’ silence vaguely suggested there was something wrong with black people.

I started kindergarten a few weeks after Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous “I Have a Dream” address. I know this only because I looked up the date of his speech online. I’m sure I wasn’t aware of it at the time. After all, speeches were “news,” and only grownups were interested in news.

When I was in the first grade, we moved south, to East Texas. We saw a few black people around, mostly very old ones. I knew nothing about them. Did these odd-looking people even speak English? How would I know? I was well aware of an invisible, unspoken racial barrier. But please note that I didn’t put that barrier in place. Nobody put it there on purpose; that’s just how things were in my world.

In September 1967, I moved up to the big elementary school for fourth grade. Try to imagine my shock when, on the very first day, I reached my classroom and found a black boy seated at the desk in front of mine.

My heart sank. I was painfully shy to begin with, particularly around boys, and here sat the first black child I had ever been near. I simply did not know what to expect. I would never have been deliberately rude, but I sure felt uneasy.

The moment came about an hour later, as I wrestled unsuccessfully with the stiff brown book covers we were issued. Bobby, the boy in front of me, had finished covering his books, and the teacher asked him if he would help me with mine.

Bobby quietly turned and showed me how to fold the edges, clip the corners and tuck in the ends.

Still frozen with shyness, I watched him add a bit of glue for good measure. The exact words going through my surprised little mind were, “Well… well… this isn’t so bad.”

Really, what had all the silence and mystery been about?

I don’t even recall thanking Bobby, but I was grateful for his help.

Seven months later, Dr. King was assassinated. Again, I had to look up the date. As mere “news,” even this tragedy didn’t filter into my world.

Yet I had shared a bit of King’s dream, in the form of a young boy willing to help a fellow student who was too shy to even speak to him.

It only took some ordinary kid-to-kid interaction to start crumbling that barrier. Bobby’s kindness paved the way for me to relate to other children of different races. In the years–okay, decades–since then, I’ve become much more outgoing and now enjoy meeting new people. Regardless of race, I find that people’s actions and attitudes tell me much more about them than their skin color does.

Besides–we can, you know, talk.

Thank you, Bobby.

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As near as I can figure, everyone is a product of the culture in which he/she grows up. What appears to be a bigoted attitude might change with only a little ordinary friendliness.

It’s worth a try, anyway.

Your turn: Have you ever breached a cultural barrier? Has someone else breached a barrier to reach you? Did you find a friend, or at least open up to new friendship possibilities? I’d love for you to tell us about it in the “Leave a Reply” box below the post.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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I Got Superpowers. Who Knew?

Founder Andy Perkins with kids and staff at the BESTWA center in Buchanan, Liberia
Photo credit: Bestwa.org

I’ve been preparing for my first overseas trip, February 22-March 5. Pretty exciting stuff! I’m going with a small group from the non-profit BESTWA, Inc, which exists to meet the most pressing needs and bring hope to the people of Liberia, West Africa.

As you might imagine, we’re not visiting some resort in Italy or Greece, which would be simple, but the relief center in Liberia. This area has no grid (but they have a generator), no clean water supply (we’ll bring our own bottled water), and virtually no doctors or medical supplies in case of illness or accident. I expect to find only two things in abundant supply:

1) Kind, friendly people
2) Disease-carrying mosquitos

As I filled out paperwork and shopped for my gear and supplies, I discovered several previously unknown superpowers:

Proofreading for only one type of information. When we got our group itinerary, I checked to make sure all four of my names were listed (First, middle, maiden, surname). Then scanned to make sure I had a seat assignment and baggage allowance on every flight. However, I failed to notice my middle name was misspelled. After all, it only appeared in the itinerary, like, FIFTY TIMES.

Taking lousy passport/visa photos. Having someone stand patiently in front of me with a camera makes me overthink my facial expression, which brings out that deer-in-the-headlights look. I much prefer hit-and-run candid shots. On the bright side, I figure by the time we complete two 8-9-hour flights and reach the airport in Monrovia, I’ll actually look like that.

Hmmm…. now that I think about it, taking lousy photos is nothing new. I guess we just confirmed it as a superpower.

IRP–or, Insect Repellent Perfectionism. I wasted untold hours in stores’ camping aisles, pondering % DEET vs. size of bottle/can vs. type of lid.

I may make fun of myself, but I’m honestly excited about the opportunity to visit the center and write up some of its history.

And hug children. 😀

So, wish me bon voyage. When I return, I’ll report on our work there.

Meanwhile, you can pray for us if you’re so inclined. Candi, our assistant Director, is assembling a prayer team. The idea is that every hour, someone somewhere will stop for a moment and pray for our safety and effectiveness.

You can sign up by emailing Candi here. For more information, visit the BESTWA website (link at top of story) OR click here to visit BESTWA on Facebook.

Thanks for reading… and praying…
Jan

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Boarders Without Borders

Spring is coming!

The other day, I was at the kitchen window when I noticed the mulch in the flower bed twitching. Kinda creepy… oh wait, it was a bunch of robins hopping around looking for breakfast.

There must have been ten or more, but they were moving so quickly that I couldn’t get more than one in a photo at a time.

These guests were certainly welcome to any bugs and grubs in the buffet, though I hoped they wouldn’t eat any earthworms.

Notice those bits of mulch out on the stone border? The robins had kicked the stuff all over, along the entire front of the house. Brent wasn’t too pleased about having to sweep all that back into the flower bed. After all, we have yards and yards and yards of border.

But I was happy. That hardwood mulch, which is supposed to help the soil stay moist, tends to get packed and crusty on top. Eventually it sheds more water than it retains. These birds were actually helping me out. As near as I can figure, that’s worth a little extra work.

Hm, maybe I should have done the sweeping…..

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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Ground Hog: Sausage, or Metaphor for Procrastination?

Did you see that old movie “Groundhog Day?” Bill Murray plays a TV weatherman sent to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to cover their celebration with the famous groundhog “Punxsutawney Phil.” But he gets stuck in some time loop, and lives February 2 over and over and over and… seriously, he memorized everything that was going to be said or done.

Disconcerting, to say the least. Especially the first few times it happens and he’s the only one who notices the time loop.

Well, I often feel the same way, even with no large, introverted celebrity rodent in sight.

Let’s say I walk into the laundry room and notice a folded pair of clean socks on the countertop.
“I gotta put that away. After I start the washer.”
Load washer, add detergent, push “Start.”
Wander off, forgetting all about the socks.

Next time I walk into the laundry room, I notice the same folded pair of socks:
“I gotta put that away. After I start the washer.”
Load washer, add detergent, push “Start.”
Wander off, forgetting all about the socks.

Next time I walk into the laundry room, I notice the same folded pair of socks:
“I gotta put that away. After I start the washer.”
Load washer, add detergent, push “Start.”
Wander off………..

You feel my pain? Why, O why do I not simply grab the stupid socks and put them away? Must this tiny chore stay on my conscience for weeks?

Worse, the time loops keep piling up…

Pick up letter from desk.
“I gotta change my address with these people. After I file these other documents.”
Set letter back down. File other documents.
Wander off, forgetting all about the change of address.

“This shower soap is almost gone. I’ll get out another bar. As soon as I get dressed….”

“I need to take my planner with me today. I’ll bring it down from my office. Next time I go upstairs….”

As Yogi Berra famously said, “It’s déjà vu all over again.”

Yep, I’m raising the “bar” on forgetfulness!

As near as I can figure, I simply move too fast and try to do too many things at once. My attention skitters ahead to the next thing, leaving the current thing undone.

What to do?

I’m open to advice. Meanwhile, I’m going to try slowing down, taking a deep breath, and finishing what I have right in front of me. First.

As a former boss from my younger days advised, “Touch each piece of paper only once.”

I should write that on a card and post it at my desk.

Right after I check Facebook……

Your turn: What “time loops” do you experience again and again? Your comments (in “Leave a Reply” below) always brighten my day.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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