“Pure Eyes, Clean Heart” – Review and GIVEAWAY!

Ferguson Book CoverHi, Friends,

Between out-of-state travel, family responsibility, bike rallies, freelance work and visits from offspring, I haven’t posted in ages. I’m still writing about some of those adventures, which I hope to share soon. But today I have something special to tell you about…

I want to introduce Jen and Craig Ferguson’s book Clean Eyes, Pure Heart: A Couple’s Journey to Freedom from Pornography, officially launching TODAY. I’m excited to be a part of the launch team for three reasons:

1) The topic is vitally important in our sex-saturated culture;

2) I know and love Jen, and was absolutely sure this book would be top-notch (called it!);

3) She had a copy sent to me, to give away to one lucky reader. That’s free, folks!

Here’s the scoop….

Take a young man who, through no desire of his own, has become addicted to pornography. Marry him to a wife whose insecurity drives her to crave control. A recipe for disaster, right? Absolutely. Well, that’s where Craig and Jen Ferguson found themselves. This book is the story of how they fought, and continue to fight, for their marriage.

Pure Eyes, Clean Heart could almost be marketed as a one-volume marriage library. It is about porn addiction, but you could replace “porn” with almost any addictive behavior, and reap valuable insight and advice from every chapter.

Well-written and organized, one of the best things about “Pure Eyes, Clean Heart” is its warm, friendly, understanding tone. The Fergusons courageously tell their story — a story that many people share, but few talk about — from a sincere desire to help readers discover and get rid of their own unhealthy baggage.

They explicitly state they cannot offer a cure-all, only their own experience and the hope and guidance they received from the Bible. I cannot recommend this book highly enough, whether you are in a porn-damaged marriage, care for someone who is, are a counselor, or just want to understand how addictions can damage relationships.

Now, you want to register to win a free copy, right? Just spread the word about the book (and this contest!) by sharing this post on Facebook and/or Twitter (buttons below) by the end of the day Thursday, October 9, 2014. For Twitter, please include #PureEyesCleanHeart. If you share on both sites, I’ll enter your name twice. Important: leave me a comment telling me where you shared.

I will draw a name this Friday, October 10. So I may notify the winner, be sure to include your email address where requested in the comment form. Your address will not be visible to other readers.

If you don’t win, you can still get your hands on the Fergusons’ book. Click Here for the publisher’s website or Click Here to see it on Amazon.

Thanks for reading — and sharing!
Jan

Posted in A Page From My Journal, Everybody Has a Story | 4 Comments

Amazing: Grace.

Last time I explored whether it’s possible to “hate the sin but love the sinner.” My conclusion in a nutshell was that the sin, rather than the sinner, is the enemy. In short, “Yes.” It’s not only possible, but the only compassionate response when you see someone about to go off the rails.

The next question is, what does this response actually look like? How can I best convey love? Especially when every instinct tells me to launch into full Mrs. Self-righteous McJudgy-pants mode?

Jesus’ response is always perfect. I was reading in the Gospel of Luke when last week’s question came up, so I’ll use an example I found there.

In Luke 5:27-32, Jesus invited a tax collector named Levi (later called Matthew) to follow him. Levi collected from the Jews to pay the Romans. He was allowed to charge extra and pocket the difference–a shady occupation at best, verrry unpopular with the average oppressed Jewish person.

But Levi left his ill-gotten gains behind, walking off the job to follow Jesus. Then he threw a big party in Jesus’ honor, inviting all his tax-collector and other shady friends to meet him.

What did Jesus do at dinner — tell everyone they should be ashamed of themselves?

Nope. He sat down to eat with them and get acquainted. Everyone was happy as could be.

Except the religious leaders. They griped at Jesus for showing grace to these sinful people.

Here is Jesus’ reply to the leaders:

It is not those who are well who need a physician,
but those who are sick. I have not come to call
the righteous but sinners to repentance.

You see what he did there. Jesus didn’t deny that these folks were sinful. He acknowledged that they needed to repent. But in perhaps the most tactful, roundabout rebuke ever, he as good as told the religious elite, “I’ve come to call those sinners you’re complaining about, but not you.”

Does that sounds harsh, like Jesus plays favorites? Another story in Luke explains his reasoning. This one is in Chapter 18. Luke records a parable Jesus told “to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt.”

The story didn’t end well for the self-righteous.

Jesus didn’t come to congratulate anybody for being righteous. None of us warrants it. Instead, we all need his forgiveness… and our need is really all we have to bring him.

As near as I can figure, the religious elite’s pride in self and contempt for others kept them from asking for and receiving forgiveness.

What about you? Do you trust yourself, that you’re righteous enough? Or do you admit you need grace and always will? If you know you need forgiveness, there’s no room for contempt.

Only grace. And it’s amazing.

Because it changes hearts.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

I’m linking up with the very gracious Jen and my Soli Deo Gloria friends. Join us?

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Can You REALLY “Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner?”

Maybe I should start by defining my terms.

Sin: “transgression of divine law”
Sinner: Anyone who sins. In short, “human beings.” All of us.

Why do I say all of us sin? We humans tend to think we know best. We usually ignore God’s principles when we believe some forbidden action or attitude will make us happy or meet our needs.

But suppose there’s a very good reason for divine law. What if God knows best how life works? What if he has the authority to tell us how to live, knowing we’ll be better off if we cooperate?

He would hardly be a loving God if he didn’t warn us.

Sometimes Christians offer that warning, and are called “intolerant.” You may have heard of Christians defending their criticism–of, say, binge drinking or sexual immorality or gossip–by claiming to “hate the sin, but love the sinner.”

Then their critics jump up and say, “You don’t mean that. You’re just using the saying as an excuse for your judgmental attitude!”

And sometimes the critics are right. We can be unloving and judgmental. And try to rationalize our motive, or hide it behind a slogan that sounds more “spiritual” than the truth.

But let’s not start with “hate.” Let’s start with “Love.”

Again, suppose the danger of sin is real? And suppose you see someone you love deliberately pursuing some sin?

You know the behavior is actually self-destructive because the person will face unpleasant consequences for it.

What do you do–warn them, or let them walk blindly into danger and leave them to deal with the fallout?

As near as I can figure, If you love the sinner, you have to hate the sin because you know it’s a trap. Even if the other person can’t see it. Not caring about what will happen to someone is not love.

If you love someone, you warn them of danger. You warn them with concern and compassion, not with arrogant self-righteousness. Especially if the danger is from sin. Because you remember that you, too, are a sinner. Just like everyone else.

Next time I’d like to share some observations about how Jesus interacted with sinners of various stripes. Meanwhile…

… thanks for reading!
Jan

PS: I’m linking up with the sweet women of the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood.

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“Dead Air,” The Results — Week 1

No "dead air" here!Last time, I told you about the radio station where my friend works, and how their computerized broadcast lineup served as a visual aid to help me grasp the foreign concept of “planning.”

Motivated, I vowed to make up a to-do list and try following a schedule. Good timing, too: I’d gone out on a limb and told my critique group that I would bring a chapter to read the following Tuesday night. Or at least a half-finished chapter.

And here are my results, as promised:

Sunday night, I looked at Monday and Tuesday’s pre-scheduled items in my planner, and filled in some of the time gaps with “Work on Story.” Then I blocked out some time for a freelance editing project that’s in the works. I even jotted down what I would fix for dinner, to avoid that “5:00 PM deer-in-the-headlights” routine. The plan was to check off each item or work session as it was accomplished, boosting both morale and productivity.

Over Sunday night, insomnia struck and I ended up oversleeping by, say, an hour or two. Monday morning I got done only those pre-scheduled items. The afternoon went better, but a stream of messages kept luring me to Facebook, where I would then fall prey to one “amazing” or “cute” video clip after another. And my mom called.

Tuesday morning I had a class at the gym, a doctor checkup and a grocery run. I spent an unexpected 45 minutes filling out the doctor’s paperwork online so I didn’t get writer’s cramp writing all the info out by hand. The system didn’t like the way I formatted my dates and kept switching my birthdate to some time next year. Finally decided that Liquid Paper is my friend.

A good chunk of the editing work got done at Whataburger, but then I couldn’t find stuff at the grocery store and it took forever to get out of there.

The afternoon was ticking away and my new chapter consisted of only two sentences, written the week before. With five hours left for putting groceries away, writing, and fixing dinner, I closed my Internet browser. Then I hammered out two and one-third pages of manuscript. It was like wading through Jello, and I didn’t finish the chapter, but dadgummit, I had something to take to critique group.

Here, then, are the insights Week 1 brought me:

1. Falling a little short of your plan is better than having no plan.

2. Regardless of how well you plan, life sometimes gets in the way.

3. You can try to plan a day down to the 15-minute level, but everything takes longer than you think it will.

4. Especially if you allow yourself to get sucked into every cute video anyone shares on Facebook.

5. If you work at a computer, productivity somehow skyrockets after you close your Internet altogether.

6. Accountability provides a useful kick in the pants motivation.

I can’t promise any more updates. I mean, I can put it on my to-do list, but….

Thanks for reading!
Jan

PS: I’m linking up this week with Jen and the girls at the Soli Deo Gloria Gathering.

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Dead Air

A couple of weeks ago, toward the tail end of digging-out-from-under-a-million-peaches season, I offered a little bag of peaches to my old high-school friend Kevin. Well, more accurately, I sneaked over to the radio station where he works and tried to leave the bag with someone at the front desk and tiptoe away. (Did I mention that we’re really peached out for the moment?) However, she insisted on calling Kevin, who apparently loves peaches because he invited the fruit and me back to the studio for a visit.

I listened to the music and Kevin’s flawless transitions on the way home. At least as long as I was in range.

While we chatted, I admired the computer monitor that showed each song, commercial and sound bite already cued up and waiting to play as soon as the previous item finished. There were even animated stopwatches showing when it was time for the DJ to speak “live” to the listeners. Kevin explained how important it is to tighten the recorded bits between songs to create a series of smooth transitions, right from one thing to the next.

He recalled his early years in radio, when stations used a pair of turntables to play the songs. DJs had to be pretty quick on the draw. They had to note when one song was ending; speak to the audience or play a taped commercial while removing the record; and start the next song playing on the other turntable. Then they had a few minutes to set up the first turntable again, and so forth.

If you weren’t right on top of things, there could be silence between a song or commercial and the next item. This silence, called “dead air,” is a huge no-no in radio. Even a one-second silence disrupts the listening experience. It grabs the audience’s attention, and not in a good way.

So, the goal is to fill up all the time with programming and no gaps of silence.

One way to do that would be to start each item before the previous one is finished. In fact, a DJ could avoid “dead air” altogether by overlapping songs and commercials, or talking over them. But this practice, an even bigger no-no, would ruin the radio experience, too. How is the listener going to sing along with their favorite pop tune if it’s competing with a carpet-cleaning jingle or a weather update?

Chaos would ensue.

I got to thinking about this challenge and applying it to my writing life, which tends to be a little (ahem!) unstructured.

Sometimes I focus on one task until it's finished, then look around blankly, wondering what to do next. Dead air. I lose momentum.

Then, with my unerring knack for overcorrection, I decide to "multi-task" in an effort to be efficient. Popular as multi-tasking is, it's really just a buzzword meaning "take on lots of tasks at once but don't do any of them well." Sure enough, I leave a trail of half-finished projects and clutter.

Chaos ensues.

That, and car keys in the refrigerator or a draft of Chapter 4 on top of the dryer. Not that I ever do that… necessarily…

I think Kevin unwittingly demonstrated a method I can use to accomplish more: planning. What if I prioritized and “cued up” my tasks ahead of time? Like a to-do list. Each evening I could make sure I have the materials I need for the next day’s projects. Then when I’m in the moment and complete one task, the next will be ready for me. No dead air. No loss of momentum. And yet, not trying to do everything at once.

I hear you organized people saying, “Well, duhhh…” but I’ll forgive you. Meanwhile, I’ll try the “planning” thing this week and let you know how it turns out. As it happens, I’m under the gun anyway — I promised my critique group a draft of my next chapter for our meeting Tuesday, so they expect me to perform.

Now, to find the folder with my character notes and outline. Ummmmm…. maybe I left it under the coffeemaker……..

Thanks for reading,
Jan

PS: This week, after a longish absence, I’m linking up with Jen and the sweet ladies over at The Soli Deo Gloria gathering.

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Digging Out

It’s happened again… A busy summer full of family graduations, weddings, helping kids move hither and yon, travel, cycling, not finding time to write because I’m trying to get ready for writers’ groups (what’s up with that??) — and right in the middle of all the hubbub…

The peaches got ripe!

Some of the branches hung so low that we couldn’t mow under them.

No time to chat… but this summer’s peachfest is almost exactly like the one we had two years ago, except the tree is bigger. You can just read about it by clicking this link: “It’s the Pits… But I Love It”

Meanwhile, I’ll be up to my elbows in peelings and pits, trying to squeeze one more bag of peach slices into the freezer. Fortunately, my sweet mother-in-law can use lots of these to make her world-famous preserves!

Well, I’ll soon be dug out from under Mount Fruit. And I’m thankful to have the abundance, after last year’s harvest of exactly zero peaches. What about you? Do you ever find yourself in a “feast-or-famine” situation with nothing for a while, then you’re swamped?

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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