The Gift of Receiving

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a hundred times: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35, NIV). And so we jockey for the position of “giver,” sidestepping everyone who tries to give to us. Certainly no one likes to be a burden to others, and yes, God does bless our giving. In context, Jesus’ words refer to our dealings with other people: work hard, help the weak, don’t covet others’ possessions. The idea is a reasonable self-sufficiency among my brothers.

But I tend to take it too far. When I come to church to worship the magnificent and almighty Father, the only Source of my existence, where is my heart? Do I kneel at His feet in adoration? Well… not exactly. I find myself trying to be self-sufficient in my worship of God.

Does anyone else see the oxymoron here?

Oh, I mean well. I try to offer God a “sacrifice of praise” as in Hebrews 13:15. Some people around me are raising their hands in worship. I don’t raise mine because it makes me self-conscious -– but all the while I feel a little inadequate. My lower back bothers me when I stand still for too long –- yet I stubbornly stand throughout the song service, while the discomfort distracts my attention from God. Who am I trying to impress? Does this striving for picture-perfect worship constitute a sacrifice of praise? No, I think I have been missing the point.

Remember when you were little, and a grownup would take you shopping for a birthday or Christmas gift? Did the “perfect gift for Mom” – or Dad or your little sister – often seem to be something you wanted? As we mature, we learn to know our family and we choose gifts that will please them, not ourselves. But that childish attitude can carry over into worship. Am I bringing God what He wants, or just showing off (perhaps playing the martyr) to please myself? Maybe God does not time how long I stand up, or measure how high I hold my hands. Maybe He wishes I would quit trying to perform for Him, and just depend on Him.

But where is the sacrifice in just depending on God? I want to give something to Him! I suspect that the hardest thing to sacrifice – and the most pleasing to God – is when we lay down our pride. Suppose next Sunday I just tell God, “I need You; I have nothing of my own to bring You. Thank You for meeting my need.”

As near as I can figure, trust – not self-sufficiency – is the perfect gift for the God who has everything.

Thanks for reading!
Jan

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Every Other Generation

(A quick note to the Company Girls: All three segments of “Sparks” are posted; you can find them by searching for Sparks to the right.)

October, early 1960s: The Perfectionist. Five-year-old Janice regards the big sheet of paper taped to the chalkboard, and clutches her black crayon tightly. Weeks of drawing flags, balls and houses in kindergarten have led up to Today. Today we are learning to Write.

Isn't she cute??

Kindergarten mugshot

Janice steals one more look at the “little a” in the colorful alphabet strip pinned up above the chalkboard. A round circle, with a straight up-and-down line that just touches its right-hand edge. Taking a deep breath, Janice begins. Within eight or ten seconds, she has made a fairly passable circle about six inches across.

Now for the up-and-down line. It needs to be as tall as the circle; but where do you start it so it just touches the edge? She squints at the vast white space and picks a spot at the upper right. Janice draws the line, more or less straight down. It gets closer to the circle… and misses the edge by a good half inch.

Brows puckered with all the concentration of an engineer designing the Golden Gate Bridge, Janice draws another circle. This time she traces an imaginary line with her finger, up from the edge, to find a better starting point for the up-and-down line. Straight down, aaaand… oh, no! Too close! This line crosses through the edge of the circle! Blowing out her cheeks in frustration, Janice looks up at the perfect “little a” in the alphabet strip. How, she wonders, does anyone ever manage to write a whole book?

Fast-forward 40 years: Mom is checking 14-year-old Greg’s Algebra homework. “Hey Greg, what is this capital ‘L’ for in your answer to Problem 3?” she asks. “‘L’ isn’t one of the variables.”

“That’s not an ‘L’, it’s a ‘2’!”

“Well, it looks like a capital ‘L’ because the top doesn’t curve over. See? If you make your 2s curved at the top, people will know they’re 2s and not Ls.”

“It’s in a math problem. Anyone can figure out it’s a number, not a letter.”

“But why make people guess? Just curve the top of the 2 over, and they can read it.”

“That’s how I make 2s.”

“But it isn’t a 2 unless the top is curved over!”

“Eh, whatever.”

Summer, the following year: Mom smiles approvingly at Greg’s older brother Eric, who has finally got busy addressing thank-you cards for his high school graduation gifts. She picks up an envelope and a puzzled look crosses her face. “Eric, there’s an “S” in the middle of this ZIP Code.”

“That’s not an “S” — it’s a 5…”

It’s a wonder we even recognize our children, looking at them from clear across the gene pool like that.

Thanks for reading!
Jan

Posted in I Remember When... (my OWN stories), Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Intervals

I have been so busy in the last couple of months that it’s been hard to find time to eat and sleep properly. Exercise totally goes by the wayside — not good! Brent, on the other hand, always remembers that exercise is just as important as food or sleep. Rather than nag, though, he offered me some tactful support Sunday night. He simply aired up my bike tires for me and handed me a Bicycling Magazine article (“Faster Fitness,” October 2010). “I know you’re pressed for time,” he said. “Maybe this will help.” The article asks how much time you have to ride, and suggests three different workouts for each of three time frames. The shortest was 30-45 minutes. Surely I could squeeze in about 40 minutes, so I read the first of those workout plans.

The workout calls for a 10-minute warmup, then a series of 30-second all-out sprint intervals with a 2 1/2-minute recovery between them. After ten or twelve of these intervals, you cool down. Maybe it was just compared to the stress, but that actually sounded kind of fun. Certainly manageable, in terms of both intensity and overall duration. Yes, I said; I’ll do it first thing tomorrow! Before going to bed I set out cycling clothes, thus committing myself to follow through. (You can’t get up the next morning and pretend not to notice that lurid day-glo orange jersey hanging over the chair.)

7:45 Monday morning found me warming up along the straight, almost-flat road leading away from our neighborhood. Still feeling pinched for time, I made do with a 7-minute warmup, then hit the first interval. I could never ride that hard for long, but 30 seconds went by with no obvious damage. After the recovery time, I was ready for another sprint. I rode the route I had planned, and got in nine of the intervals.

I felt great, physically and mentally — as if I had made some progress without wasting my whole morning at it. My average speed was higher than usual, too. Still nothing to write home about, but the point is that it improved.

Later, it occurred to me that living under all this stress and pressure (trying to get my parents’ house empty before its sale closes next week, while simultaneously chasing magazine deadlines, preparing for my father’s memorial service and trying to help my mom with routine daily business from afar) is sort of like a l-o-o-o-o-o-ng bike ride. Uphill and/or into the wind. I can’t hammer at top speed for three solid weeks. No one could.

So now what I am trying to do is to tackle the work in intervals: take care of one project, maybe working super-hard for a whole day, then stop for some down time. Maybe it’s just wasting an hour on something silly like watching television, or maybe a more beneficial activity like walking a mile.

I can enjoy the down time, as long as I feel I have legitimately accomplished something. Also, if I pause to get a relaxed start to the day, I find I accomplish more in the first place. By alternating intervals and recovery I am less likely to burn out, become overly crabby, or just unravel into despair.

Come to think of it, the idea of intervals is not new, and not the invention of cycling coaches. For centuries God has been telling us to intersperse work and recovery; He calls the recovery time a sabbath. “Enter into My rest,” He invites us.

All of this reminded me that Jen, one of my “Company Girls” online friends (see “Home Sanctuary” sidebar link), blogged about this concept a few weeks ago. Perhaps I have had enough reminders now? Do you think I’ve learned to calm down and just breathe?

Oh look, there’s yet another box of papers to sort. Maybe I’ll have some coffee first… or a walk…

Thanks for reading!
–Tailwinds,
Jan

Posted in I Remember When... (my OWN stories), Thoughts on Two Wheels, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Animal Magnetism

It hardly seems fair. In fact, it must be some nefarious plot. Everyone in my family sees more interesting stuff while cycling out on the road than I do. Now, I’m no randonneur, but at least I put in anywhere from 600 to 1800 miles a year. Yet it’s always the guys who end up witnessing the coolest sights, even though those two offspring of mine hardly ride at all.

Back in July, Brent took Greg out for a ride of about 20 miles. When they got home they told me about passing several longhorn steer and a real, live buffalo wandering along by the road, unfenced. The only large, unfenced animal I have ever seen in that area was a roadkill wild pig.

In the Grandeur of Nature department, there was the Tour d’Italia (in the small but scenic town of Italy, Texas, not to be confused with the European nation) when Brent had a pigeon swoop down and fly alongside him for more than a mile. Seriously, this bird kept pace with him and stayed about four feet from his right shoulder the whole time. My “Grandeur of Nature” experience that year involved getting caught in a thunderstorm about 22 miles from home. Soaked to the bone within minutes, I dodged lightning for nine miles along the deserted backroads before finding shelter: a restaurant where I could use the phone. (While Brent was on his way to pick me up, the owner brewed coffee and loaned me some bar towels so I could warm up, mop up, and not die of pneumonia right there in his indoor-outdoor-carpeted lobby.)

You can see how disadvantaged I am. So, you might ask, why don’t you ride with Brent so that you, too, can enjoy cool animal sightings? I’ve tried that. Multiple times. What usually happens is that we will be pedaling with serene hearts along one of Brent’s favorite, peaceful blacktop roads when a sudden outburst of maniacal barking erupts, nearby and closing rapidly. Three results follow, as inevitable as the sunrise:
1) My heart stops.
2) Brent speeds up.
3) Eventually we get past the territorial canine, as I discuss at length in an earlier post. At this point, WITHOUT FAIL, Brent turns to me and says, in all seriousness, “I’ve never seen a dog here before!”

Dogs are almost the only creatures I seem to encounter. The only live creatures, that is. Apparently I just draw them out of thin air.

Only a few days ago Brent came home from a short warm-up ride and recounted seeing a rabbit sitting beside the road. When he got a little closer he could see a large lizard standing on the pavement. The lizard and rabbit were facing other and it looked, he said, almost as if the two were talking together. As he approached, both animals turned their heads toward him, then they both darted off in different directions. I am not kidding, and neither was he. Stuff like this really happens to him. Oh, sure, I had been out to ride just the morning before that. My wildlife sightings consisted of two flattened toads, a decomposing possum and a badly mangled pack of fries. Oh—never mind that last one.

With the deck stacked against me like that, next time I want to enjoy watching some of God’s critters I might just hang up the bike and tune in Animal Planet.

Thanks for reading!
–Tailwinds,
Jan

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“Sparks” (Part 3)

by Janice C. Johnson
Here is the third and concluding installment of my 2008-2009 UTA Undergraduate Creative Writing Contest entry. See this week’s previous posts (Sept. 13 and 15) for Parts 1 and 2.
In Part 2, we learned that Captain “Happy” Hansen was not quite as competent as Mr. Tackleberry, his Chief Mate.

But it wasn’t Hansen who presented the next potential danger to the Costigan. One day as the ship steamed along over the Pacific, a conning tower appeared alongside, about a mile and a half away. A submarine had surfaced. Its signal light came on and flashed, hailing the ship. The US Navy gunnery crew jumped into action. One of them switched on the louvered signal light, turned it toward the sub, and asked for identification. By the time this brief message had flashed across the water, the ship’s three-inch and five-inch cannon were both trained on the sub.

The reply flashed from just above water level. “What are they saying, Sparks?” someone asked.

Bob shrugged. “They must not know English. They’re just saying ‘USO; USO.”

“USO? Out here?” “They must want us to think they got dames aboard!” “They must think we’re crazy!” The men joked, but never took their eyes off the craft below.

The young, eager Naval Gunnery Lieutenant approached the Captain and Chief by the rail. “I can knock that conning tower off with the first shot,” he offered.

Tackleberry and Hansen glanced at each other. “I wouldn’t,” the Chief advised, “not unless it turns so the torpedo tubes are facing us. Then you can blast away.” The Captain agreed. The Lieutenant chafed. The sub kept signaling “USO; USO.”

“They’re apparently not after us,” Tackleberry pointed out, “or they’d have done something by now.” Soon the signal stopped. Moments later the sea closed silently over the conning tower as the sub dove.

“Dammit, Tack, I could’ve had a Jap sub!” the Lieutenant was beside himself.

“Yeah,” said Tackleberry, “you could’ve had a hole blown through you too. Remember we’re not a war ship, will you?”

* * * * *

On April 12, 1945, Bob began taking down the longest message of his career. He typed page after page of meaningless numbers as the radio poured out its monotonous, stuttering cadence. After the transmission ended, he spent hours decoding the numbers. At last he was ready to look up the words. He rolled a fresh stack of paper and carbons into the typewriter and reached for the dictionary. Bob froze for a moment as, word by word, the meaning began to take shape: the message was a general bulletin informing all personnel that President Roosevelt had died. The bulk of the message consisted of protocol instructions: how to fly the flag, what to do with the ship’s lights, and other points of etiquette.

Finally, Bob rolled the last sheets out of the typewriter and stood up. He stretched his tense neck and shoulders. His mood was somber as he took the stack of pages to the helm. “Message from Washington, Cap’n,” he said.

The Swede read the news of the President’s death with a serious face. He scanned the rest of that page, then glanced at the next couple of pages of protocol. “Hah!” he said. Bob watched as the Captain tossed the fruit of his labor onto the desk. “Effrybody knows dat. You always do dat when royalty dies.”

Amusement struggled with irritation in Bob’s face, but all he said was, “Aye, Cap’n.”

* * * * *

By now Germany and Italy had given up their dreams of dominating Europe. The Japanese military, however, did not cease hostilities until almost four months later, after the Allies bombed Hiroshima and then Nagasaki. Then on August 14, 1945, Emperor Hirohito announced over Japanese radio the decision to surrender unconditionally. He began to make arrangements for his delegates’ historic meeting with Allied representatives led by General MacArthur.

At that time the Edward P. Costigan had just arrived at Cebu, a long, narrow island northwest of Mindanao. She had docked at the Cebu City port, but her entire cargo remained in the holds. Just behind them, deck hands were busy unloading lumber from another ship. Bob watched uneasily as the cranes lifted one bundle after another to the pier – all from the same side of the ship. As each load rose from the deck, the ship tilted a little more toward the harbor. Finally Bob gave up watching and went up to his cabin for a nap.

A deafening racket of whistles and ships’ bells woke him up an hour or so later. His first thought was “Oh, hell, that lumber ship has gone clear over!” and he stumbled outside to investigate. He found seamen cheering, pumping their fists into the air, and dancing. On the deck, on other craft, on the pier, the same scene met his gaze. A deck hand lit several smokescreen pots at the Costigan’s stern and whooped as the acrid smoke rose, mingling with the smoke from other ships. “What the . . .?”

A fellow seaman looked up and noticed him staring dazed from the command deck. “Hey, Sparks! The Japs are surrendering!”

Now fully awake, Bob ran down to join the others. The celebration lasted into the night.

As it happened, the Costigan had brought no munitions on that run, but was loaded with food, clothing, blankets, and other basic provisions. Back in the command tower, Bob received and typed up orders dispatching them directly to Yokohama and Tokyo. With the war over, the military had no further need of its many Liberty Ships. The crew was to hand over both the Costigan and her cargo to the Japanese as humanitarian aid. Deck hands weighed anchor and they started away from the Philippine Islands, northeast toward Japan.

The ship had to steam into Tokyo Channel at its lowest speed, threading its way through an eerie forest of masts and smokestacks that stuck up at various angles above the surface; not a single Japanese ship or boat still floated. Thick black oil smoke hung in the chilly autumn air. The Costigan finally made it to the pier and docked; cranes readied to unload the supplies. This ship, along with several others given by the US, would prove to be literally life-saving to the Japanese people. The island nation could neither trade nor survive without ships, and they had none of their own left.

Before going ashore Bob and his buddies stopped in front of the ship’s store. It was stocked with candy, cigarettes, and other basics that crew members could put on their bill, to be charged against their pay when they got home. Now they looked over the brimming shelves, then at each other. Giving blankets and rations to the Japanese was one thing, but cigarettes and candy were a different matter. Each man bought a double armful of stuff and staggered out of the store with it. Less than half an hour later, a single packed lifeboat was lowered quietly over the rail and rowed ashore.

“’Bout time you got here,” said the others to the oarsman as they helped him pile their goods on the dock.

“Yeah? Who got to use the gangplank, and who had to row?” he groused.

“Highest bidder” appeared to be a universal concept, for the men merely had to show their wares to the locals, and within an hour or two they had traded it all away. Each had amassed a pile of yen that would have filled a shoebox.

“We can’t cash all this in for American,” said one. “What are we going to do with it?”

In the end, the Japanese money stayed right there in Tokyo, distributed among several downtown bars, where it had given the weary shipmates a night to remember.

* * * * *

Over the next couple of weeks the Costigan’s former crew lived in Japanese military barracks in Tokyo, enjoying no-frills food and bartering for coal to keep warm. They trained the Japanese seamen who would run and maintain the ship, and waited for the Naval transport that would take them home. Bob learned that decoding a BAMS message, though time-consuming and tedious, was nothing compared with trying to teach radio operation across an absolute language barrier. Bob knew no Japanese at all, and the young Japanese seaman who was to operate the radio understood not a single word of English. He smiled and nodded with excitement as Bob showed him the equipment and demonstrated turning the radio on, using it, and turning it off. Then Bob said, “Now. . . you do it.” He motioned for the young man to repeat the same steps. The smile faded, replaced by a mask of polite bewilderment.

The war, though now behind him, loomed large in my father’s life. In a few days he would be steaming toward home and his old job with the railroad. He had no idea of the long peacetime career he would enjoy, nor of the future marriage that would give him three children. For now, all he could see in the future was the S.S. Edward P. Costigan keeping people and hopes alive in postwar Japan – ultimately, he hoped, with the benefit of radio communication. And so for now, he just did what he could. He gave the seaman all the manuals he had on board, which at least contained illustrations. He continued demonstrating the radio’s functions and encouraging the young man to try the controls for himself.

Finally, the day came when he would embark for the States. After a few hours at the radio Bob looked at the clock and then into his trainee’s dark brown eyes. “Hey, Bud,” he said, “I have to go. My ship is about to leave.” As he stepped out of the radio room for the last time, he paused and said over his shoulder, “Good luck.”

[The End]

Thanks for joining me on this “tour of duty” — I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have!
–Jan

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“Sparks” (Part 2)

by Janice C. Johnson
Here is the second installment of my 2008-2009 UTA Undergraduate Creative Writing Contest entry. See the previous post for Part 1, in which we left Bob handing out the latest radio dispatch to his shipmates aboard the Liberty Ship S.S. Edward P. Costigan…

From the earliest beginnings of the war, Allied military operations would not have been possible without the help of supply ships. As the war spread, the military needed increasing numbers of the ships – and needed them quickly. The US Maritime Commission, founded by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1936, adapted a British vessel design to make it as efficient as possible to build. Using prefabricated sections and welding instead of the traditional rivets, a shipyard could assemble one of the 147-foot Liberty Ships in as little as four days. The plan provided maximum cargo capacity too, utilizing the specially-designed flat deck as well as the holds. The vessel was awkward (President Roosevelt called it an “ugly duckling”) and slow, but it served its purpose well. The US launched over 2700 of them during the war.

Each ship, of course, required a crew. Manning the vessels actually presented more of a challenge than building them. Since private shipping companies operated the ships on behalf of the US government, most crew members were civilians. An Armed Guard of Navy personnel manned the few guns on each ship. Qualified Captains and Chief Mates were especially scarce, and the Maritime Commission recruited aggressively. Many of the men hired to meet the sudden huge demand, though they held captain’s papers, had no experience with larger cargo vessels or the open ocean.

Such a man was “Happy” Hansen, Captain of the SS Edward P. Costigan. The Swede looked every inch the captain, with his wiry build and blonde hair going grey. His face was weathered and, like many of his men’s, often sported a few days’ careless stubble. Anyone who had not worked under him would never guess that before the war he had worked as master of a banana boat, sailing his exotic cargo over the Gulf of Mexico between Venezuela and New Orleans. Now Hansen found himself with much bigger shoes to fill. Essentially a good man, he occasionally bluffed to cover his insecurity. One day Bob, his face betraying bewilderment, approached Chief Mate Tackleberry on the main deck.

“Say, Tack -– Hansen just ordered a two-degree course change, and I can’t figure out why. I don’t believe he looked at a damn chart!”

Tackleberry replied, “Yep. I can vouch for you; I know he didn’t look at the chart.” He glanced at Bob, then stared back over the water. “One of these days . . . we’re going to run over an island.”

It was only by a technicality that Tackleberry’s words, some months later, failed to qualify as prophecy: Luzon, the northernmost large island of the Philippines, is much too big for a ship to run over. The Costigan had steamed around the west side of the island and into Lingayen Gulf, which boasted several villages, a few cities, and busy military and local traffic. The ship’s holds were laden with supplies to stock the Post Exchange store, or “PX,” on an Allied base near the city of San Fabian.

The required depth of a normally-loaded Liberty Ship was twenty-seven feet nine inches. Only one spot in the whole gulf was too shallow for the Costigan’s draft. “Happy” Hansen managed to find it.

The vessel, bearing its own weight in cargo, ran aground on a sandbar some distance out from the pier. Two nearby ships tried in vain to pull the Costigan off the bar. Finally Bob got orders to send a message to a base in Manila, two hundred miles away around the coast. The base replied that they were sending a thirty thousand-horsepower tug to the rescue. Tugs being even slower than Liberty Ships, their cargo would have to sit in the gulf for some time.

While they waited in the tropical heat, the port authorities arranged for a landing craft to start ferrying their cargo to the pier, to lighten the ship and make it easier to pull off the sandbar. This was the type of open, flat-bottomed invasion craft that the Allies had used at Normandy on D-Day. The landing craft wallowed back and forth from ship to dock several times, offloading supplies bound for the PX. Then the crew got to one hold that was full of beer. One hundred thousand cubic feet of beer. As the sun set, deck hands worked with renewed energy, transferring case after case until the landing craft could hold no more.

Bob and the Chief Mate leaned against the rail and watched as the boatload of beer started through gathering darkness on a ramrod-straight course. Straight, that is, until it got to an open area about halfway to the pier. Then they saw its lights veer off, and the boat began chugging around in tight circles. About the third time around, Bob asked dryly, “You think they’re lost?”

Something like a snort erupted from Tackleberry’s throat. “What do you think?” he said.

After fifteen minutes or so, the craft resumed its course and soon tied up at the pier. The men stacked the cases of beer on the dock, and if one case felt lighter than the others nobody said anything about it. In due time the tug arrived and freed the ship, the rest of the cargo made it to land, and the empty Costigan set out to Australia for another load.

Hansen’s habit of giving questionable orders just to assert his authority caused more than a few such scrapes and near misses. This did not inspire confidence among his crew. When Bob had concerns he went to talk privately with the Chief Mate; my dad was never one to buck authority. Tall and slim, with alert, intelligent eyes, Tackleberry hailed from California. Like Hansen, he was a civilian who held captain’s papers. He had been away from the sea for some time when he entered the Merchant Marine. Fortunately, however, he did have some large-vessel experience. The crew followed the Captain’s orders, but had come to depend on Tackleberry’s competence and diplomatic leadership to keep them out of real trouble. On one such occasion he told Bob, “Don’t worry, I’ve got my eye on him.” He grinned and added, “I’m not going to let him kill us.”

Click here for the exciting conclusion!
–Jan

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